Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Digging deep.....

So, the past couple of months have been some rough ones. No need to elaborate, though it is possible that it may all turn into it's very own blog so stay tuned!

I won't lie and pretend that I am doing this blog post all for you, the readers. Sorry, but I am definitely gonna get as much good out of this one as any of you possibly could. There's things I need to tell myself.....out writing. Things I need to convince myself of.

For those of you that know me, you know the inner struggle and the daily fight with myself that has taken place over the decisions I have made in my handling of recent events. I had several options and I chose the high road. That high road has led to some of the lowest of lows that I have encountered in quite some time. To see someone you love go through pain and not know what to do to be able to alleviate it is quite possibly the very worst feeling in this entire world! You begin to second guess yourself. You begin to question every single thought and feeling that you have had for years leading up to this day. You wonder where you could have done something different and where you could have changed the course of events and prevented what has happened. You go through your days, one after another, going through the motions. You get up out of bed, go to work, eat, go to bed and then wake up the next day to do the very same routine again. All the while, you feel as though you are kind of floating above it all. You feel like an outsider watching all of these normal activities take place but knowing that, in reality, that "get up out of bed" part is the last thing you feel like doing each morning. And then....... check yourself!!!

Of course I took the high road! Of course I face my daily routine! It's what I have taught myself over the past fifteen years. It's what I have tried so hard to encourage all of you to do. I sit here shaking my head wondering how on Earth I have found the strength to stumble through. I have said it a million times and I will say it again. When tragedy strikes, we have two paths to choose from. We can use what has happened to strengthen ourselves and become better or we can use it as an excuse to become a failure. I refuse to become a failure or stand by and watch anyone I love become one!

Each one of us has the same power inside of us to go down the right path. It definitely leaves you with a feeling of pride in yourself when you get to look back on it!

That being said, I am now in a new home with new responsibilities and schedule at my same job. I am embracing recent changes and realizing that they really are in my best interest. I am attending a new church and have met many wonderful and supportive people there. I have made some new friends and re~connected with some old ones. All in all, I am looking forward to all of the wonderful opportunities that 2013 is sure to bring! POSITIVE people, POSITIVE changes, and POSITIVE blog posts :)