21 Habits of Happy People

I recently posted a link to my facebook with this title. As I read it, I realized that most of the 21 habits were things that I practice on a daily basis. Lets go through them together and discuss why each one is so important.

1. Appreciate Life ~ Wake up each day and be thankful that you are alive. Each day that we wake up is a new opportunity to make friends, share ideas, learn new things, and change the world. We can wake up each day and let others determine how our day will go or we can take charge of our own lives and make them what we want them to be. Although I have my opinion on which is the better route to take, whatever you decide, at least appreciate that you have the choice. Be truly happy to be alive. If you struggle with this, think for a minute about how many others would have given anything to take your place.......That kind of puts it into perspective, now doesn't it?

2. Choose your Friends Wisely ~ Take notice of how you feel mood wise when you hang around different people. Make an effort to surround yourself with happy people. This will aid in your own happiness. Aligning yourself with people who have a joy of life and the things that it brings rub off on those around them. The more you hang around these people, the better your days will seem. They will show you by example where true happiness lies. When you get good enough at it yourself, you can swing back around for Debbie Downer and maybe rub off on her a little bit at a time.  After awhile, you will begin to see exactly where you do and don't belong and where your happiness is stifled and where it is cultivated. Being aware of how others make you feel is always crucial to maintaining your happiness.

3. Be Considerate ~ You have the unique ability to touch lives every single day. You do not need to be responsible for changing any one's life but your own. Let your willingness to accept others for who they are serve as an example to them. Let your desire to help when possible without expecting anything in return resonate with those you come in contact with. I have found greater joy in doing for those who can offer me nothing than I have ever found in receiving favors from anyone. My reward of seeing someone else happy is all the reward I could ever need.

4. Learn Continuously ~ Learn everything you can about everything you do. Having knowledge about things is not only valuable to you, but to those around you. Share what you know and help others gain knowledge along the way. When sharing what you know, be sure to avoid being frustrated if someone does not catch on. When you share with others, you can either rejoice in the fact that you have helped them figure something out or rejoice in the time you spent with them while trying. Either way you win!

5. Creative Problem Solving ~ All of us face problems. It is our way of dealing with them that differs. Those who waste their time feeling sorry for themselves will never be happy. Make a decision to search for answers and make changes. Look at each problem as a puzzle and figure out the best way to approach it and overcome it. Do not allow it to overtake your mood in the process. Remain POSITIVE and find a POSITIVE solution.

6. Do What You Love ~ People who wake up every morning and go to a job that they hate are not happy. I have to tell you that I have been there. Let me share with you my solution to this problem. List for yourself anything you can think of that you like about your job. For me, number one is that I enjoy the interaction I get to have with my customers. I have the opportunity to see many of the same people often and some new people as well. Each person who crosses my path is viewed as someone who may be a piece of my puzzle. With nothing but a kind word and a smile, I may be able to influence someones day. I try to keep that in mind when someone is in front of me who is really testing my patience. When you find your list of the things you enjoy, keep them handy and remind yourself of them as often as you need to. Focus on then during the rough moments. In the rare case that there is not a single POSITIVE thing about your job, hit the classifieds and get a new one. It does not matter how much money you make if your job leaves you miserable and unfulfilled.

7. Enjoy Life ~ Often times we get so caught up in running around and getting things done that we fail to notice things. Life contains so many beauties that are right in front of our eyes and we do not stop for a second to enjoy them. There are sunsets, flower gardens, playgrounds full of children, and leaves that change colors every fall that hold more joy than some can ever begin to imagine because they do not take the time to stop and notice. Think of the world as free admission to an art museum on a daily basis.

8. Laugh ~ Happy people most certainly laugh! When you find the humor in situations they become considerably easier to deal with. Laugh with and at your friends. Laugh with and at yourself. Taking life too seriously leads to stress and stress leads to unhappiness. :)

9. Forgive ~ Here is one that has been argued by the best of them and my position has never changed. The biggest favor you can do yourself on your road to happiness is to forgive. It can be done, of that I am sure. I have forgiven unthinkable wrongs that were done against me and it was probably the single best favor I have ever done for myself. By forgiving those who have hurt you, you strip them of any power they have over you. You take all control from them and it is an instant release. (we will get back to this later)

10. Gratitude ~ Be grateful for every single thing. This goes hand in hand with finding your POSITIVES. As you learn to pinpoint the POSITIVES, you will find it easier to be thankful for even what appears to be the worst of situations. When you see the lessons you are learning through every one, you will be thankful for the knowledge gained by each of them. It takes time and can sometimes be a struggle but the reward in it is so great!

11. Invest in Relationships ~ Take the time to make sure that the people in your lives know exactly how much they mean to you. When you are clear about your feelings and the part people play in your lives, they tend to take that into account and have more respect for how they treat you in return. It also just plain feels good sometimes to tell people just how much they mean to you!

12. Keep Your Word ~ Lets face it.....liars downright suck!! I do not like lying and do not tolerate it. Therefore, to do so would be hypocritical. When you say something, mean it. Be someone that others can count on. Be trustworthy!

13. Meditate ~ This is the one that I have never done. The reasons why are exactly what it is supposed to help so perhaps I will start. From what I hear, meditation is a way to rest your brain which may be thinking a million and one things at any given moment. For me, I never seem to be able to stop thinking about all the things I have to do and accomplish long enough to focus on complete nothingness or even just one solitary thought. In admitting this, I think perhaps one blog post will be completely on meditation and maybe we can learn together. There may be some tips that you all can offer me that would help in my quest to begin meditation. (This takes me back to number 4 where I told you to learn continuously.)

14. Mind Your Own Business ~ Now I have to admit that this one can be a real challenge. Taking a step back and seeing what stress other people's drama can cause you is a big eye opener though. When we are making an effort to find our own POSITIVES and change our own lives for the better, this added outside stuff just begins to get in the way. When we get good enough at finding our own POSITIVES, there are times when not minding our own business may be beneficial to others. You will begin to find that you look for positives everywhere and it feels so good that you feel compelled to show others how to do the same. At that point, I urge you to pass along what you know. If other peoples business is not causing you stress and you do not find yourself in the midst of business when you are unwanted there, by all means, point out the POSITIVE!

15. Optimism ~ Ahhhhh, my favorite!! Learning to see the POSITIVE makes optimism inevitable. How can you possibly be pessimistic when you always find the good in every thing your confronted with? I was where many people are. I would wake up and wonder what was going to go wrong that day before I even got out of bed. When things were going good, I would wonder why and when was it all going to go bad. This way of thinking is typical after going through trial after trial. Training your thoughts takes conscious effort but the rewards are well worth the work you put in.

16. Love Unconditionally ~ When we love someone, we cannot just love the parts of them that we approve of. People you love will disappoint you almost daily but it is sometimes your love through the hard times that will get them back on track. It is your love of them regardless of their shortcomings that will bring them to you for advice and guidance when they need it most. It is your love that could quite possibly be their example of how to love themselves! I want to make this part very clear ----> Without first loving yourself unconditionally, you will not be able to love someone else unconditionally!

17. Persistence ~ When you decide that you want something, do not ever give up. There is nothing that you cannot achieve when you set your mind to it. You may have to change your approach in order to attain your goal but when you finally get there, you can look back with a sense of pride at the hard work you put in and what you were able to achieve by not giving up.

18. Be Proactive ~ Wasting time and energy on things that are out of you control will be counterproductive to your quest for happiness. Accept that some things can just not be changed. There are indeed things that are not possible for us to change as humans. The time we do not waste on these is valuable time that we can focus on improving things that are within our control.

19. Self Care ~ Take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually and whatever else-ally :) Being healthy will save you plenty of time on doctors appointments and feeling crappy tends to make thinking POSITIVE a bigger challenge than it has to be.

20. Self Confidence ~ Look at you!!! You are absolutely fabulous! You are wonderful just because you are you. There is no law written that says you must look or act or like any thing. You do not have to be anything other than exactly what you are. When you discover that and truly love yourself, you will be better suited to be an inspiration to those around you. When you exude a love for yourself (this can be easily be confused with cockiness which is never good) others have no choice but to want to be around you and want to know you. (I will share how I learned this later on as well!)

21. Take Responsibility ~ Do not allow responsibility for any piece of your life to fall on someone else. Not a single person but you is responsible for your actions, your moods, your attitudes, your thoughts, the words that come out of your mouth, or most importantly, your happiness! Depending on anyone else to make you feel better is setting yourself up for disappointment. You have the power!! Don't ever give that away!

10/09/11

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Being Content........

(This was written a few days ago but finished up today. I think it may be needed by a few people who follow this blog so I figured I would get it published!)

Let me start by saying that as I began my post today, it had not a single thing to do with being content. That post was started but has taken a back burner to what I am going to share with you now.

Tonight, I went to work at a job that is not year round. This evening was my last night of work at this job until right around the beginning of March of next year. After my shift was over, I went out with some friends to a Halloween party. I will tell you that I was dressed up as a hippee, and a super hot one at that ;) , but that is just a detail. When I arrived at the party, I knew quite a few people. I said hi to them all and went about my night. A little later on, I received a text from one who had left saying that seeing me had made a big difference in their day and how much it was appreciated. I asked if everything was alright and opened up the conversation in case this person may want to talk about it a little bit. As it turns out, they did. Of course they did. If they didn't, they wouldn't have let on that my presence made a difference, right?

Once I made known that I was interested in hearing about what had this person feeling down, I got the whole story. I will not discuss any details that will make obvious who this person was but I will tell you the story because I am sure that what I said brought some comfort. I am also sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the person involved would want me to use this story to help if anyone else was struggling with the same feelings that they were. All of my friends know why I write. I write so that I may share with others what I have found to work. There are things that comfort me when I am feeling a little less than chipper. It has taken time to make these ways of thinking feel natural. Several years of these habits having to be forced have led to a point where now they are automatic. That brings me to the situation at hand.

My friend, and I am happy that this person has become a friend, felt that they had worked extremely hard on a certain project. A lot of research and dedication went into preparing something and due to the weather we are expecting tomorrow, the event in which all of their hard work would be displayed was rescheduled. Not only that, but the date in which the event was now going to occur is during a time when this person will be on vacation with their family and unable to attend. Come to find out, this is not the first time that my friend was unable to fulfill their duties due to weather. Their text consisted of blaming Mother Nature and the disappointment they felt over being unable to display their work at the proper time.

Now, I do not think there is a single one of us who is a stranger to disappointment. Disappointment is a tricky emotion to conquer. I will not deny that for even a second. And the advice that came to me immediately is probably the same advice I would have to remind myself of in the same situation. Don't be fooled! Just because I know what I should feel, doesn't mean it is always easy. Sometimes I have to do a little work to convince myself. It was not me who needed convincing this time, however, and I was not about to show any weakness as I gave the advice that I know this friend was seeking. My advice was this:

"Every single thing happens for a specific reason. Never forget that! Please do not for a second think that Mother Nature knows better than God. Do not question His timing. Take what is given and accept that there is a reason why you were not meant to do it. There IS a reason. Be at peace and know that. When you truly BELIEVE, there is no letdown, just the wait till u figure out the Plan. Love you!"

This same advice could go for any disappointment we face in our lives. When something doesn't go my way and I begin to feel disappointment creep in, I quickly remind myself that I did not belong doing what I anticipated and remind myself to be thankful that Someone knows better what I should and should not be doing at any moment in time. Disappointment is closely related to worry. They are two feelings that serve no POSITIVE purpose. In my quest for a POSITIVE life, such feelings have no place. If a POSITIVE life is something that you seek, the elimination of such negative feelings will only make your journey more easily travelled. Since there will certainly be roadblocks that are out of our control, it is to our advantage to find ways around as many as we can.

11/04/11

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What I want her to know...

My mini showing off her Christian's Crusaders bracelet :)

When watching Oprah Winfrey's final show several months ago, one of her surprise guests was Dakota Fanning who was surrounded by a crowd of other young people who had grown up watching the Oprah show. Several of them spoke about the change that she had encouraged in their lives. One young lady had such an infectious smile as she spoke. She looked as though she had surely found the secret of happiness. I have heard the words that she said to Oprah so many times in my head since that day. With her glowing smile she simply said, "Because of you, every morning I look in the mirror and say ~Good morning, Gorgeous!~" What a wonderful way to start each day! Could there be any better way to remind yourself daily just how beautiful you truly are? Now that the Oprah Show is over, do I not have an obligation to instill the values in my daughter, that so many have learned from watching Ms.Winfrey?

Over the past few years I have grown a lot. I have learned a great deal about myself and learned to take what I am given and make the best out of each and every situation. One of the most important lessons I have learned is the reason why this young girls message grabbed me as it did. It sounds easy. Actually, it is easy once you get the hang of it but most people are so focused on others and their opinions that they rarely take time to love themselves. A friend's Facebook status one day made reference to entering into a whirlwind love affair with yourself. This friend is someone who exudes confidence in everything she does. I can only hope that others see the same when they look at me. There is something about loving yourself that makes everything other than your own well being and happiness seem secondary. As it should be, I might add! Imagine living your entire life aiming to please others. How will you ever find what makes you happy if you are always doing things to ensure the happiness of others? Each individual has their very own chance to do what makes them happy. Take advantage of yours! 

As I began this blog, it was with the hope of helping others. I hoped that by sharing my stories and how I have used them to better myself, I would be able to encourage others to do the same without waiting for them to feel comfortable enough to ask me how. In only a few short weeks my blog has exceded 250 views and I am receiving feedback daily on the effect that my writing is having on others. I have made new friends and had the opportunity to encourage some who I may never have met otherwise. My blog has become much less of my struggles and much more of the techniques I have learned in the process. Coping mechanisms, of sorts, have become more of a way of life than a temporary fix in times of trouble. Often times I think that I wish I had known all that I know now before entering middle school. That thought quickly gives way to the knowledge that each and every struggle I faced and learned from made me better able to identify with those who may be going through some of the same things. By my own experience with suffering, I know the pain that some may be struggling through and that is the fuel that ignites my fire to teach what I know.

As much of a reward as it is to hear the stories of those I don't know who have said that my words inspire and uplift them, I couldn't help but wonder if I could possibly let my daughter in on all these secrets early on. To me, seeing her struggle less with adversity and trying to fit in would be the ultimate reward for my efforts. To see my child walk around with the same self love that I have found would eliminate much worry on my part that she may ever fall prey to someone who did not have her best interests in mind. To teach her to love herself would be the first step toward eliminating the rising problem of bullying where my own child was concerned. Although directing her to my blog meant I would need to be more careful when sharing details of my past, the benefits that could result made the limitations well worth it. This blog meant that I would not have to wait for her to ask advice, nor would I have to initiate a conversation where she may feel I was responding to a certain action on her part. By simply sharing in my blog, she can learn how to achieve self love and happiness by reading what I have written to others on her own time.  My words in the blog combined with my example of finding the POSITIVE in any number of situations, should serve as a good basis by which to start her on the path to a healthy love of self.

When I first shared the blog address with my daughter, it was because we had wound up in a conversation about happiness and I wanted her to read the 21 ways to achieve happiness and my personal description of each. I was thrilled several days later when she started pressuring me to create new posts. How many parents can say that their teen children seem to WANT to hear what they have to say? When I posted my blog about Christian and his Crusaders, Alexis had plenty of questions. We talked for quite some time about Christian and the fact that if she was going to commit to wearing the bracelet, she would have to promise to pray for Christian as often as possible. I could have never imagined what an effect Christian's story would have on my own little girl. She has used the Crusader's bracelet as not only a reminder to pray for Christian, but also as a reminder to herself to ~Be Strong, Be Brave~. She has statused about Christian, made her profile pic to include her bracelet, and most recently asked me to help her start her own blog where she can share her own thoughts now that she has been so touched by the story of the Amazing Mr. C. Last night, she created her first post and I was overcome with pride as I read what she wrote. Her post was thought provoking and compassionate while calling for the same from others.

While shopping the other day, I purchased a card to send to my mini in the mail. It was a card to remind her of just how special she is and how proud of her I am. In the letter I wrote to her in the card, I told her that I wanted her to look in the mirror at the beginning of each and every day and say, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" I sent this card on Wednesday morning and by Friday night had a post on my Facebook wall that said those exact words with a smiley face and a heart. If there was one thing that I wanted her to take from that card, it was that. That every morning I wanted her to acknowledge just how wonderful and beautiful she really is before facing a single second with anyone outside. Those words are now being repeated daily in her posts on my page and it overwhelms me with joy that she really got what I was trying to say. Of course I think she is beautiful and can acheive anything because I am her mother. My thoughts about this will do nothing to help a child who does not believe the same about herself. After this recent string of events, I began to think about what I expect her to gain from my writing. Its all the same things that I want all who read my blog to gain. This is what I have come up with.

***~She will grow up knowing that her view of herself is worth more than all the views of everyone she faces daily combined. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings can never be wrong, simply wrong for someone else. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings are not necessarily right for those she meets so she must not be fooled into thinking that she can help the world. ~She will know that she has the right to make her own choices regarding her life. ~She will know what is right and wrong as she makes those choices and take pride in the choices she makes. ~She will know that she is strong enough to walk away from anyone who ever tries to take control of her thoughts and actions. ~She will know that bullies are sissies who need to control others to feel better about themselves, whether in school or later in life. ~She will know that there are bullies everywhere, no matter how old you get. ~She will know that God has every answer she could ever need whether she like His answer or not. ~She will know that God's timing will most likely not be to her liking more often than not but should never be questioned. ~She will know that harsh words cut deeper than she could ever imagine and that much more can be said in love than in hatred and anger. ~She will know the pride that follows walking away the bigger person, is no comparison for the instant gratification of acting hastily in a negative manner. ~She will know the joy of giving. ~She will know that bringing a smile to another can be one of the greatest and easiest accomplishments that is within her reach daily. ~She will know that love will come and go. ~She will know that the only time that breakups are really 'The End' is when the other person had no place in your life to begin with. ~She will know that hard work in school, relationships and life itself, pays off. ~She will know that money never has and never will buy happiness. ~She will know that happiness is not anything of a destination, but rather a life long journey that should be fully enjoyed along the way. ~She will know that caring and compassion for others will add greatly to her own life experiences. ~She will know that the more respect she has for herself, the more respect others will have for her as well. ~She will know the difference between cocky and confident and she will know the proper way to exude confidence in every move she makes. ~She will know that lies and gossip will never produce anything but negativity. ~She will know that POSITIVE thinking is the best way to ensure that negative thoughts don't stand a chance. ~She will know that every single struggle has a lesson buried within. ~She will know that she deserves nothing less than the best out of every single moment. ~She will know that a mother's love is beyond compare regardless of time or distance. ~She will know that she is a gem and demand to be treated as such. ~***     

Yes, these are all things that I try to instill in my daughter at all times, but her reading my blog gives her the chance to focus on each and every one in her own personal quiet time and discuss them with me as she feels the need. I am sure that there is not one single thing that will surprise her here, since I share my thoughts with her every chance I get. I believe that the way in which I conduct myself and my daily moods are a first hand example to her that I have found a way to live positively and happily. Her interest shows me that she is looking to do the same. That makes me one happy Mommy! :) 

The following is one of the best videos that I have ever seen. When I wake up feeling less than chipper, I have learned to rely on lil Jessica to show me what needs to be done! Jessica's method of saying, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" is something that I am sure you will never forget.

11/6/11

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