What I want her to know...

My mini showing off her Christian's Crusaders bracelet :)

When watching Oprah Winfrey's final show several months ago, one of her surprise guests was Dakota Fanning who was surrounded by a crowd of other young people who had grown up watching the Oprah show. Several of them spoke about the change that she had encouraged in their lives. One young lady had such an infectious smile as she spoke. She looked as though she had surely found the secret of happiness. I have heard the words that she said to Oprah so many times in my head since that day. With her glowing smile she simply said, "Because of you, every morning I look in the mirror and say ~Good morning, Gorgeous!~" What a wonderful way to start each day! Could there be any better way to remind yourself daily just how beautiful you truly are? Now that the Oprah Show is over, do I not have an obligation to instill the values in my daughter, that so many have learned from watching Ms.Winfrey?

Over the past few years I have grown a lot. I have learned a great deal about myself and learned to take what I am given and make the best out of each and every situation. One of the most important lessons I have learned is the reason why this young girls message grabbed me as it did. It sounds easy. Actually, it is easy once you get the hang of it but most people are so focused on others and their opinions that they rarely take time to love themselves. A friend's Facebook status one day made reference to entering into a whirlwind love affair with yourself. This friend is someone who exudes confidence in everything she does. I can only hope that others see the same when they look at me. There is something about loving yourself that makes everything other than your own well being and happiness seem secondary. As it should be, I might add! Imagine living your entire life aiming to please others. How will you ever find what makes you happy if you are always doing things to ensure the happiness of others? Each individual has their very own chance to do what makes them happy. Take advantage of yours! 

As I began this blog, it was with the hope of helping others. I hoped that by sharing my stories and how I have used them to better myself, I would be able to encourage others to do the same without waiting for them to feel comfortable enough to ask me how. In only a few short weeks my blog has exceded 250 views and I am receiving feedback daily on the effect that my writing is having on others. I have made new friends and had the opportunity to encourage some who I may never have met otherwise. My blog has become much less of my struggles and much more of the techniques I have learned in the process. Coping mechanisms, of sorts, have become more of a way of life than a temporary fix in times of trouble. Often times I think that I wish I had known all that I know now before entering middle school. That thought quickly gives way to the knowledge that each and every struggle I faced and learned from made me better able to identify with those who may be going through some of the same things. By my own experience with suffering, I know the pain that some may be struggling through and that is the fuel that ignites my fire to teach what I know.

As much of a reward as it is to hear the stories of those I don't know who have said that my words inspire and uplift them, I couldn't help but wonder if I could possibly let my daughter in on all these secrets early on. To me, seeing her struggle less with adversity and trying to fit in would be the ultimate reward for my efforts. To see my child walk around with the same self love that I have found would eliminate much worry on my part that she may ever fall prey to someone who did not have her best interests in mind. To teach her to love herself would be the first step toward eliminating the rising problem of bullying where my own child was concerned. Although directing her to my blog meant I would need to be more careful when sharing details of my past, the benefits that could result made the limitations well worth it. This blog meant that I would not have to wait for her to ask advice, nor would I have to initiate a conversation where she may feel I was responding to a certain action on her part. By simply sharing in my blog, she can learn how to achieve self love and happiness by reading what I have written to others on her own time.  My words in the blog combined with my example of finding the POSITIVE in any number of situations, should serve as a good basis by which to start her on the path to a healthy love of self.

When I first shared the blog address with my daughter, it was because we had wound up in a conversation about happiness and I wanted her to read the 21 ways to achieve happiness and my personal description of each. I was thrilled several days later when she started pressuring me to create new posts. How many parents can say that their teen children seem to WANT to hear what they have to say? When I posted my blog about Christian and his Crusaders, Alexis had plenty of questions. We talked for quite some time about Christian and the fact that if she was going to commit to wearing the bracelet, she would have to promise to pray for Christian as often as possible. I could have never imagined what an effect Christian's story would have on my own little girl. She has used the Crusader's bracelet as not only a reminder to pray for Christian, but also as a reminder to herself to ~Be Strong, Be Brave~. She has statused about Christian, made her profile pic to include her bracelet, and most recently asked me to help her start her own blog where she can share her own thoughts now that she has been so touched by the story of the Amazing Mr. C. Last night, she created her first post and I was overcome with pride as I read what she wrote. Her post was thought provoking and compassionate while calling for the same from others.

While shopping the other day, I purchased a card to send to my mini in the mail. It was a card to remind her of just how special she is and how proud of her I am. In the letter I wrote to her in the card, I told her that I wanted her to look in the mirror at the beginning of each and every day and say, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" I sent this card on Wednesday morning and by Friday night had a post on my Facebook wall that said those exact words with a smiley face and a heart. If there was one thing that I wanted her to take from that card, it was that. That every morning I wanted her to acknowledge just how wonderful and beautiful she really is before facing a single second with anyone outside. Those words are now being repeated daily in her posts on my page and it overwhelms me with joy that she really got what I was trying to say. Of course I think she is beautiful and can acheive anything because I am her mother. My thoughts about this will do nothing to help a child who does not believe the same about herself. After this recent string of events, I began to think about what I expect her to gain from my writing. Its all the same things that I want all who read my blog to gain. This is what I have come up with.

***~She will grow up knowing that her view of herself is worth more than all the views of everyone she faces daily combined. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings can never be wrong, simply wrong for someone else. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings are not necessarily right for those she meets so she must not be fooled into thinking that she can help the world. ~She will know that she has the right to make her own choices regarding her life. ~She will know what is right and wrong as she makes those choices and take pride in the choices she makes. ~She will know that she is strong enough to walk away from anyone who ever tries to take control of her thoughts and actions. ~She will know that bullies are sissies who need to control others to feel better about themselves, whether in school or later in life. ~She will know that there are bullies everywhere, no matter how old you get. ~She will know that God has every answer she could ever need whether she like His answer or not. ~She will know that God's timing will most likely not be to her liking more often than not but should never be questioned. ~She will know that harsh words cut deeper than she could ever imagine and that much more can be said in love than in hatred and anger. ~She will know the pride that follows walking away the bigger person, is no comparison for the instant gratification of acting hastily in a negative manner. ~She will know the joy of giving. ~She will know that bringing a smile to another can be one of the greatest and easiest accomplishments that is within her reach daily. ~She will know that love will come and go. ~She will know that the only time that breakups are really 'The End' is when the other person had no place in your life to begin with. ~She will know that hard work in school, relationships and life itself, pays off. ~She will know that money never has and never will buy happiness. ~She will know that happiness is not anything of a destination, but rather a life long journey that should be fully enjoyed along the way. ~She will know that caring and compassion for others will add greatly to her own life experiences. ~She will know that the more respect she has for herself, the more respect others will have for her as well. ~She will know the difference between cocky and confident and she will know the proper way to exude confidence in every move she makes. ~She will know that lies and gossip will never produce anything but negativity. ~She will know that POSITIVE thinking is the best way to ensure that negative thoughts don't stand a chance. ~She will know that every single struggle has a lesson buried within. ~She will know that she deserves nothing less than the best out of every single moment. ~She will know that a mother's love is beyond compare regardless of time or distance. ~She will know that she is a gem and demand to be treated as such. ~***     

Yes, these are all things that I try to instill in my daughter at all times, but her reading my blog gives her the chance to focus on each and every one in her own personal quiet time and discuss them with me as she feels the need. I am sure that there is not one single thing that will surprise her here, since I share my thoughts with her every chance I get. I believe that the way in which I conduct myself and my daily moods are a first hand example to her that I have found a way to live positively and happily. Her interest shows me that she is looking to do the same. That makes me one happy Mommy! :) 

The following is one of the best videos that I have ever seen. When I wake up feeling less than chipper, I have learned to rely on lil Jessica to show me what needs to be done! Jessica's method of saying, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" is something that I am sure you will never forget.

11/6/11

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