Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Day 1 ~ God

Dear God,

Since I was a toddler, I was involved in church and Sunday school and youth group and paying attention while a pastor gave a sermon telling me what exactly my relationship with You should be. It was only at a time in my life where I was forbidden to attend such activities that I realized exactly what my relationship with You meant. When I was kept from fellowship with others, my personal relationship with You became strengthened beyond belief. I learned that while fellowship was a wonderful addition, it really did not make or break the relationship that I was able to have with You on my own. The point where I am now is something that I am truly grateful for on a daily basis. What it took to get here is nothing short of amazing and could never have been accomplished on my own.

I was faced with a situation where every single aspect of my life was a secret. I had to cover up one lie after another as people began to question the situation that I was involved in. I played a big game of pretend with everyone I had ever known or loved. Everyone except You. I knew that there was no hiding from you. To attempt to lie and cheat the One who had so carefully placed me here would be a joke. You knew it all and also knew that I would find my way out. I would be lying if I said I came to You in trust right away. That was my bad and most definitely cost me some valuable time. I was, after all, human. It is human nature to attempt to fix things on your own. To believe that you have all the answers you may need. I thought this way for years. It took me reading a book called The Power of The Praying Woman by Stormie Omaritan for me to remember what I had known all along. You are every single thing I could ever need. There was an entire page that listed all the roles that You play in my life daily but at the time of my reading this book, Protector, was the one I needed most. I began praying every chance I got. The more I prayed, the more I heard Your answers. I knew what needed to be done and I knew that I was going to do it. Most of all, I knew that if I continued to keep the line of communication open with You, I knew that I would know when and how to do it. I stopped lying about what was going on and began to tell others exactly what my situation entailed. I asked that they pray for me as well. Each and every person I told asked why I hadn't left yet. Every one received the same answer. I said that I was praying about it and that I was confident that when the time was right, You would make sure that I knew exactly what to do. I trusted You fully to show me the way. I was right! The day I left was exactly like I expected. The details are not needed. You know each and every one. And I know that I could never have had the strength and courage that day took on my own. Thank You!!

Since that day, I have grown so much. I have surely gone through some things that others do not agree with. Being open to Your voice has allowed me to follow along different paths and see the lessons that I am supposed to be learning in each and every one. I look at the sudden loss of my own mother as not only the catalyst which brought me to the point where I knew I needed to leave, but also as an experience which has led me to a point where I can speak to others and comfort them in times of loss in their own lives. You know the names of those who's lives have been forever changed by my personal experience with abuse, Lord. Because of my knowledge in that area, combined with the ability I have to share my thoughts and feelings with others openly, lives have been saved from years of hardship. Just one would have made it worth it to me but I can see that You are not done leading me to those I am supposed to share with. Please know that it is my pleasure to be able to help in any way that I can. My relationships, and You know what I mean by that,  have led me to many people that I otherwise would never have met. These relationships that I have built over the past few years have become so valuable in so many ways. Seeing how I have been able to use my own experiences to help others makes me grateful for each and every hardship that You have placed before me. Thank You!!

I do not pretend to know where my life will go from here. Not for one second do I believe that my learning is done. I do know that no matter what is placed before me, it has been placed there with purpose. It is part of my story that You were fully aware of before I was conceived. Knowing that and the fact that You are by my side through each and every single second, allows me to look beyond the struggle to see how I can use it to better myself and others. You are as much a part of this blog as I am. My fingers type the words that You place in my mind and on my heart. My passion for this project comes from You. For that, I thank You!!


1 comment:

  1. are definitely in-tuned with the Spirit and so prolific in being able to communicate thhis relationship!!! Dan