Friday, November 18, 2011

30 letters in 30 days

A few years back I sat with a bottle of Jack and wrote ten things I wanted to say to ten random people without using names. Someone had posted that as a facebook note and I thought it would be something to occupy me for a bit. I could have never imagined how fulfilling that note was going to be for me. Not only did I enjoy it, but I knew I wanted to share it. I was able to say so many things to all these people without them even knowing that I had ever done so. I was surprised to find after I was done, that the person I thought I had so much to say to, wasn't even in my top ten. I learned that night that I had a love for writing and although it has taken me until now, I am grateful that I had that evening of realization. Here is my list of ten random thoughts for ten random people, without telling you who they are.

1. I am so glad we talked tonight!! We don't agree on some things.....okay, alot of things, but I understand where you are coming from. I think the whole bottom line we got to tonight is that we are completely different in our way of thinking. Thats why you are puzzled by me, right? While I don't agree with how you feel about certain things, I 100% can see why you feel that way and it's not wrong.....just wrong for me.

2. You are the best and worst thing ever!! You give me the guts to say whatever to whoever and thats great!! Given the right situation, thats great!! But, hello?? Do you ever just say, "Shut up, stop talkin!!?" Oh, and uh....what in the world does "charcoal mellowed" mean??

3. You were absolutely the MOST wonderful person, on a whole, that I could've been in complete contact with. You had your views but understood everyone. Hell, you understood me at my worst. You knew that if you got involved I would hate you for it. How does a ****** do that?? Please help me with that in the coming years....knowing how to be supportive but still make my feelings known but back off when necessary! Our relationship could have been so different with what I was going thru if u didn't read me....know what to say and do....and because of that, my memories are nothing but positive! I know I disappointed you, but you supported me, regardless, and I hope I can be exactly that to her.....

4. You never say a mean thing.....WTH?? I love you for that, but I see thru it!! U have to have a malicious thought now and again, right??? I mean, c'mon, she hurt you....ULTIMATELY!!!!, however, never have I ever heard a negative word out of ur mouth about her!! I know you loved her and up until three years ago, had she asked you back, you would have gone, right? Given up everything and ran back? an adult I see that! And I know I would never hear a single thing negative about it from you....that's who you are! That's why I love you!!

5. LMAO....U make me dance....who would've ever guessed it could be done????

6. Thanks for posting this. I loved you back then and even tho I haven't seen you in like 15 years (OMG we r getting old), I love you now too!! Can't wait to see you this weekend!! I can remember when this whole crazy, turn my world upside down, shit started about a year and a half ago..... and we talked on the phone for probably the first time ever.....and you made it so easy to talk about whatever I was feeling!!! And I hung up feeling better about talking to you than anything!! U rock!! U say whatever....U curse, like me! LMAO!! And waiting.....haha, yeah, that sucks!! I feel ya!!

7.'s you!! Who else could make number seven??? U were "that"!!! I wish things could have stayed like they were!! Doesn't work like that!!! Someone that different than you could never be completely content, right?? U don't understand me and you never will!! The things that matter to you and the things that matter to me r completely different. Sad!!! I hope that you will be happy one day. Don't waste too much time dwelling on me, please!! Get it together!! Figure out what you want and go for it. Find it!!! Took me awhile to accept that I wasn't it, but I am good now!! I understand.

8. You are THE best friend a girl could have. We r crazy different, but somehow you understand me and I understand you!! He kept me from u for so long but in the random conversations, there was never any catching up. I could just tell you the most recent and u knew what to say. When I left that first time and came to ur place, I shoulda handled it then. That's why he hated you, I am sure!! Thnx for the week when I first left for good!! I needed that vaca! That helped me get back to the me that was right b4 him!! I thought that that was me, but was only just a start....I know you see the difference. I feel like I picked up from where I left off but also moved foward....that week at ur place started that and I don't think you realize just how much it meant!

9. Wow....of all the things I have to say to you, not very many are suitable for facebook! I LOVE you. U r the most wonderful lil thing I have ever laid my eyes on!! Alot to handle, I grant you that, but great just the same!! U r so like me and so not at the same time!! I am sorry that you have been thru so much already. That sucks!! It is all a part of you tho! And it is all making you the exact person u r meant to be....that I am sure of. We never understand why until later! I just hope that my honesty with you sets an example of how honest you can be with me. Thats my goal!!

10. Oh, this is awesome!! My favorite, by far!! You, are so not what I expected!! Yikes!! Wasn't gonna include you in this list but, hey, u bumped some people!! LMAO!! Its a tough job you have right now....making me happy!! And I have to say, ur doing a damn good job. And rock on to you for knowing when was right! I was so in the dark....never even suspected. Was even a lil, shall I say offended, when you said "never" that night!! Like....OMG Really??? Happy freakin bday to me, right?? Am I that bad? LOL But to find out it was a front to protect me and be sure I was ready...thats cute!! Real cute! Almost as cute as karaoke!! ;)

It's pretty funny reading over some of these now. Some of them still apply and some show me just where I was at that time in my life. They definitely show me how much things have changed in my life since that day in March of 2009. Today, I stumbled upon a blog where the writer was partially through writing 30 letters in 30 days. This challenge is a bit different since it requires naming people. Starting Saturday, I will post a letter each day according to the list below. I encourage all of my readers to take the same challenge and see just how revealing and healing such a challenge can be. I am posting this blog knowing that I am committing myself to a time consuming task. Since writing this blog has been me opening up about everything in my life to any number of readers, I am willing to do just that in the next 30 days.

I have used the list I found online and modified it to include all of the people that I wanted to write to. Here is the list I will follow:

Day 01 - God
Day 02 - My dreams
Day 03 - A stranger
Day 05 - My hero
Day 06 - My mother
Day 07 - My father
Day 08 - My ex
Day 09 - My brother
Day 10 - the OTHER brother
Day 11 - My best friend
Day 12 - Someone who is deceased
Day 13 - My child
Day 17 - Someone who inspires me
Day 18 - Someone from my childhood
Day 19 - The last person I pinky promised 
Day 20 - Someone who changed my life
Day 21 - Someone I wish I could meet
Day 22 - My younger self
Day 23 - A bully
Day 24 - The person I want to be
Day 25 - Someone I treated unkindly
Day 26 - Person I miss daily
Day 27 - Someone I have drifted away from
Day 28 - Someone I have learned a great deal about myself from
Day 29 - The last person I kissed
Day 30 - Who I see in the mirror


  1. What a great way to express,let go,let know,I will commit to doing this also,I will have to really think about each & every one very carefully,because people often say about me "you better watch out if you get a letter from him" ,so I'm curious to see how things pan out....

  2. Wow Ali you took the things and what's going on in my life right out of my head and mouth . thanks I really enjoyed reading your blog ! looking forward to some more.